Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
