man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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