Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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