just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
