Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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