I am in a vortex of obligation.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
