Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
