so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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