I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
