we're blogging at a bar
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
