If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
