Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
