My sheets look like a crime scene.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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