Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
