I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
