Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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