Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
