if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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