Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Crying babies in a bar. Really?

(708): View more from Illinois

And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.

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(239): View more from Florida

she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

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(330): View more from Ohio

She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though

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(520): View more from Arizona

I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.

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