I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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