1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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