im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
