i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
