Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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