dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
