I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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