I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
