So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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