if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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