I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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