So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
