It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
