And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
