I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
