Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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