Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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