she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
