Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
