Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
