i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
