Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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