she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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