once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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