Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize