I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
