I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize