You made me cry and you don't even care
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
