I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want a musical about memes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
