he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
