Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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