I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
