I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
