I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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