Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
wow bdsm is so cute
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