The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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