I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
