fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
