Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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