dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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