Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
