i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
