So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
