She's JV to your varsity
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
