I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
