so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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