So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
