How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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