1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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