I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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