Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
wow bdsm is so cute
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