All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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