if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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