yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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