I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
